Unlearning Perfectionism: How To Choose Progress Over Perfection
Do you find yourself being highly critical of yourself or others, moving the goalpost on your dreams, and constantly riddled with the fear of failure, so much so that it’s sucking the excitement of achieving the goal?
Even you if you don’t think you’re a perfectionist, I want you to check out the blog and listen to the podcast, because I didn’t think I was a perfectionist either.
As always, let’s start with a definition:
Perfectionism is the refusal to accept any standard short of perfection and being overly critical of oneself and others.
Where does the Perfectionist personality come from?
Fear of being judged by others
Having unrealistic expectations that are set on you as a child
OK, so at this point, you might be getting suspicious that you have some perfectionist tendencies. But the behaviors can show up differently for everyone, so here are a few more signs you might be struggling with perfectionism because once you’re able to recognize the “problem,” we’ll be able to overcome perfectionism together!
Poor self-esteem - everything feels hard or like a struggle. You don’t think you’re good at everything and limit how and when you show up because you don’t want to hear people’s feedback.
Strong need for control - you need to be in charge, make the decisions, and can’t delegate tasks.
Your self-worth is tied to achievement - you don't see value in the progress that they're making or at all the successes along the way. You need to win (sometimes at all costs!).
All or nothing thinking - you think, “I'm going to do it perfectly, or I'm not going to do it at all”. “I'm going to have the perfect budget, or I'm not going to budget at all.” “I'm going to have the perfect business, or I'm not going to have a business at all.” And You can see how that could be so detrimental to any kind of progress or just trying new things.
Highly critical of self or others - you’re the first people to spot mistakes or imperfections in what other people have worked on, and it can ruin the experience for you.
Often pushed by fear- you’re pushed by the fear of having anything less than a perfectly met goal versus being pulled by the progress of the goal. So instead of being excited about what you're working towards, you are scared that it's going to fail. You don’t embrace progress over perfection.
Unrealistic standards that are often out of reach or unobtainable - even as you get closer to it, you'll move the goalpost. Often, the fear of failure can make it difficult to get started.
IRONICALLY:
Perfectionists are huge procrastinators because they worry so much about all the things that they could go wrong that they're paralyzed to do anything at all.
Personal Experience
I never really considered myself a perfectionist because I was a terrible speller all through elementary school and high school, and frankly, I still am. Because of that, I just didn't have time for things to be perfect. I had to get my reports done. And so I just took the hit with spelling or grammar mistakes along the way.
And so, I never considered myself a perfectionist, but where this shows up for me is consistently moving the goalpost. It’s setting goals that are out of reach that are unobtainable. And then, as I get closer, I move the goalpost. And then I'm disappointed when I don't reach them.
And so that's what I'm working on right now.
How to combat perfectionism
1 Start setting time limits for projects
One of the biggest detriments that perfectionists have is they spend a lot of time tweaking, rewriting, adjusting things, and sitting on them before they're ready to be released.
And if we can set a time limit on that project, Then you have to force your hand a little bit to release it to the world. Set a timeline for yourself and follow it. And if you are struggling with that. Then set up an opportunity to review the next day.
2. Spend time away from social media
Perfectionists are often comparing themselves to others and judging their success based on other people's success. So if you haven't created a social media space, whether that's Instagram or Facebook or whatever platform you're on that is motivating or supporting you, then maybe take a step away from it so that you can focus on yourself, what success means to you, the progress that you're making in your business without comparing yourself to others.
3. Remind yourself of a time when things went wrong and think about what happened
Probably nothing all that bad. It's really important to remind yourself that you are safe in those moments, that if something does go wrong, You can adjust, you can correct, you can apologize if you need to, and you can move on.
4. Engage in positive self-talk
Remind yourself of all of the things that you do really well. The kind of person that you are, that you're kind, that you're patient, that you're a really good coach or a really skilled designer.
So what if it's taking you a little longer than you anticipated to reach your definition of success, most people will never get there because they're too scared. Just stay on your path and do the thing that brings you joy.
Not only is it exhausting being a perfectionist, it’s also impossible to achieve perfection. I hope this episode will get you well on your way to overcoming perfectionism and embracing progress over perfection.
Free Resources For You
Grab Chelsey’s free guide on How To Create Your Ideal Day
Schedule a free 30-minute consultation call with Chelsey so that you can create a booked-out business without burnout.
Connect with Chelsey Newmyer
Website: https://chelseynewmyer.com/
Instagram: @chelseyncoaching
